Romance For Alice, My Aging Parent

There’s a new man in 88 year old Alice’s life.

Alice is my mother in law, a widow after 62 years of marriage.  She lives alone and works at staying busy in her life. She has friends, she gets out a lot, she plays cards and takes a current events class. Alice also fights loneliness.

At her age, romance can feel the same as for anyone else.  But for Alice, a pleasant male companion is what she wants a lot more than someone that might make her heart go pitter-patter.  She had a great life with her husband, and isn’t looking for another hubby. It’s that she gets tired of being alone so much, especially at night.

Loneliness in our widowed or divorced aging parents can be a constant.  We worry about them. We visit and call, we go places with them. But we usually can’t do anything about their need for companionship with someone of the opposite sex.

In our consulting work, my psychologist husband, Dr. Mikol Davis and I often hear from families who have lonely, isolated aging parents.  Adult children may feel frustrated that opportunities for enjoyable socialization for their parents are so limited.  Isolation makes our aging parents vulnerable to predators, and abuses of many kinds.

Loneliness can affect anyone, but it is especially acute for aging parents who must cope with limited driving, disability, chronic diseases and other problems that can limit participation in social opportunities.

By two years after Dad died, my husband worried about his Mom and wished she would meet someone. She didn’t like going to movies alone.

Could we help? I thought we could at least try. We asked her about this and she said she would welcome some ideas.  Here’s what we did.

We searched Alice’s area and found senior internet dating in the community where she lives. She was game for trying it. We set up an account for Alice with the dating service, as she didn’t know how to do that by herself. We can do internet research for our aging parents whether they can use the internet or not.  Many are just not knowledgeable about how to look.

Although the dating service was too small, we kept looking and kept Alice interested in trying.

We next tried a major internet dating service, complete with monthly fees.  I filled out the profile for her. She can get on the net and knows how to use Google, but she didn’t know how to upload her photo. She also had trouble describing herself.  We helped with that.

If you imagine that it’s hard for a middle aged single person to find a decent date through an internet dating service, just imagine how hard it is if you’re 87!

Okay, I lied about her age on her profile. She looks great, and looks younger than she is.  A few duds responded, but there wasn’t much of interest there.  Alice was discouraged, but undaunted.

Eventually, Alice started looking around on her own.  Months went by. Then, she was introduced to a new man.  This gentleman is lonely, just like Alice is.  They have some things in common.  He has that most attractive of male qualities in the over 80 set:  he drives at night!  She doesn’t.

He wants to take her places. He has a snazzy new convertible and they go driving with the top down.  He is crazy about her.  She’s not too hot on the idea of a romance, but the attention feels great.  She has a new friend.

There’s a different quality to this connection than there is in a classic romantic attraction. The human need to be with someone interesting and fun doesn’t age. One doesn’t have to feel romantic to feel happy.  We just know that Alice is having a good time. She’s going places and doing things she can’t do alone.  We’re cheering for Alice.

And for anyone out there who doesn’t have a valentine, please don’t give up.  At 88, Alice has a guy.  She’s not in love and really doesn’t want to be, but she has companionship.  That is possible for all of us.

A fun date, something to look forward to and friendship, well, that will do just fine.

Have A Kick Ass Valentine’s Day

Love, schmove.  When you are a couple, Valentine’s Day is one of the most exciting days of the year.  When you are single, you sometimes want to throw things at those happy couples.  I still remember that devastating feeling as I walked through the union seeing all of the bouquets of flowers waiting to be picked up by ecstatic classmates while I went to my student post office box to find my own special valentine…..from my parents.  Turns out I am Bear-y Special.

However, the one thing we forget is that Valentine’s Day is not just about couples. At it’s core, it’s a holiday that is simply about love.  And whether or not you have a “special someone” at the moment, there is probably lots of love in your life and you get to celebrate that just as much as someone who is going to the Olive Garden for a $10 meal.

Not sure where to find your inspiration?  Myself and some of the writers of The College Crush have created some videos to encourage you to put away the black clothing and bitterness and create your own Kick Ass Valentine’s Day….no date needed.

First up, Britt from BluntDelivery reminds us all why it rocks to be single on Valentine’s Day.

 

Kate Middleton Engagement Ring Spurs Sapphire Sales

The Persians believed the Earth stood on it, God supposedly carved those ten commandments into tablets of it and now Kate Middleton is sporting it on her ring finger. Meet the blue sapphire, gemstone of choice for biblical kings and the late Princess Diana, now de rigueur among legions of royal admirers and, more recently, high-end jewelers.

Nearly three months after the announcement of Middleton’s engagementto Prince William, the flood of commoners wanting in on the fairytale still has purveyors of the cornflower blue sparklers scrambling to keep up.

“November was a record month by far, December was a record month by far, January, still a record month by far,” said Michael Arnstein, president of the Natural Sapphire Company and loose gem vendor to the likes of Cartier and Tiffany & Co. The online sapphire retailer, which sees $5-10 million in annual revenue, has Kate Middleton’s 18-carat Garrard rock to thank for the 300% increase in sales.“[She’s] a walking, talking fashion advertisement for the gemstone,” said Arnstein.

Sapphire mania appears to have penetrated all sectors of sapphire retail, low and high. Mark Aaron, Tiffany vice president of investor relations, confirms improved sales of blue sapphire rings, especially in Europe.

Sapphires are widely thought to be much rarer than diamonds. They command an estimated $800 million of the gemstone retail market according to Gemological Institute of America Senior Analyst, Russell Shor, citing a 2007 mining company study. This figure includes non-blue sapphires (the gemstone comes in all colors but red; a red sample would be called a ruby).

Unlike diamonds and gold, there is no widely-accepted price list that sets sapphire values, which makes for tricky investment planning. While he forecasts a bullish sapphire market, John Tolliver, president of Simply Sapphires, cautions against stockpiling the blue stunners unless you can afford to go big–really big.

If you’re looking for almost guaranteed ROI, Tolliver recommends shelling out for quality sapphires over 10 carats, Kashmir sapphires or an untreated sapphire–if you can get your hands on one, that is. More than 90% of sapphires on the market have received some form of processing treatment, making untreated specimens extremely rare and valuable.

As for the Kashmir lot, whose name is derived from its renowned Indian mine provenance, expect to pay a king’s ransom. In April 2007, an unnamed 22.66 carat Kashmir sapphire, once owned by railroad magnate, James J. Hill, sold at Christie’s for $3,064,000, the highest amount ever paid for a sapphire.

by Jane Lee

CARAT CAKE

Funny Look Alikes

They say that we all have a twin somewhere in the world, and with the internet we seem to find them so much easier, even when we don’t want them. Check out these notables and their twins that people think that they look like.