I never thought I’d be taking a lesson from Kurt Cobain. After all, the poor man committed suicide at age 27.
But I noticed that today, which would have been Cobain’s forty-fourth birthday, his quote, “I’d rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not” was trending all over Twitter.
While Cobain was loved for who he was—musical genius, rock God—I have lately felt hated for who I am. It’s easy today, what with social media, blogs, and the Internet making it so easy for the anonymous hoards to blast you—for the multitudes to throw the kinds of stones that no one in real life except maybe your best friend or mother would dare to do.
Case in point, my first book, Can’t Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed Up Love was published in January. The book dealt with my discovery that my fiance, and boyfriend of 10 years, was leading a double life: he had long been having affairs with men behind my back.
I was lucky enough to garner decent press for the book. One article about my book appeared on AOL’s home page. Another article was on Comcast’s home page. I was on The Today Show and The Joy Behar Show. I’m quite proud of these achievements.
But the haters!
I was accused of being “dumb” by a blogger in Dallas who asserted that, because my fiance and I hadn’t quite gotten around yet to making our union legal, I should have somehow known he was two timing with men.
A critic from the Library Journal called me a slut because, after the break, as a single woman dating in New York City for the first time in a decade, I go a little wild. The women on Goodreads.com seem to almost uniformly despise me. (Most dispiriting of all, the majority of the hate came from women.)
Even a neighbor in my building got into the act, giving me a one star review on Amazon primarily, it seems, because I used the building’s listserv to promote my book—which I did one time, not repeatedly, as the anonymous neighbor claims.
Lately, I’ve been thinking how I should have toned down the book. Instead of being honest and admitting that this betrayal made me a bit crazy, and that I reacted by drinking a bit too much, dating a bit too much, and generally trying to put a balm on my anger, confusion, loneliness and hurt in unhealthy ways, I should have lied and said I stayed home, practiced yoga, and meditated. More people would have bought that book. More people would have understood. More people would haveliked me.
But I’d rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I’m not.
Thank you, Kurt Cobain. Everyone being hated on today thanks you.
